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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029398">Survivor's Guilt</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karinakamichi/pseuds/Karinakamichi'>Karinakamichi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cutting, Depression, F/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Protective Haruno Sakura, Self-Harm, Whumptober, Whumptober 2020, aftermath of war</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:21:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,346</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karinakamichi/pseuds/Karinakamichi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war, Naruto has fallen into a depression. Nobody is particularly in good shape, but he especially has taken things hard. Sakura comes to check up on him after so long of him pulling away, and finds him in a worse state than she could have possibly imagined and does everything she can to help him. </p><p>Self-harm/Vent/Cutting and NaruSaku.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Haruno Sakura/Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Survivor's Guilt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few months had passed since the war. It wasn’t necessarily an easy thing for anybody to get over, but the one who seemed to be taking it the hardest was probably… Naruto. Sakura herself had been having her own fair share of problems with nightmares and with Sasuke in jail, and Hinata didn’t seem to be doing all that great either, nor did Neji’s own team, Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji too and Kakashi himself seemed a tad depressed as well, basically everybody was dealing with their own fair share of grief, but Naruto had been cooped up in his newly built apartment for several weeks now and nobody had heard from him since.</p><p>At first he’d seemed fine, but even on simple assignments to help around the village Sakura had noticed how Naruto’s smiles weren’t quite reaching his eyes. She caught the downcast looks when he thought nobody was looking. And one day, he just stopped showing up all together. Kakashi had told her that it was probably best to give him space. Sakura on the other hand couldn’t help but slowly find herself getting a bad feeling.</p><p>So she finally chose to check on him.</p><p>...</p><p>The first time she knocked on his door, there was no answer. She knocked again after a moment of waiting. And finally one last time. She considered leaving, thinking that maybe he wasn’t even home, but stopped in her tracks when she heard a clicking sound as the door was being unlocked. Naruto cracked the door and peeked outside.</p><p>“Oh, Sakura-chan… It’s you…” he duly noted. Normally he’d have been excited to see a friend, but his voice sounded dead.</p><p>“Well, don’t just stand there. Aren’t you going to let me in? I came all this way to see you, after all.” Sakura said, trying her best to keep herself in tact.</p><p>Naruto averted his gaze briefly, but opened the door after a moment.</p><p>His appearance nearly destroyed her. There were bags under his eyes. His clothes were wrinkled and tattered, and to be honest even though his shirt was a bit loose, she could tell he’d lost quite a bit of weight, and he was pale. And something else that immediately caught her eye was the way he was clutching at his jacket sleeve to keep his arm and hand covered. She got the heavy suspicion that he was hiding something, but chose to momentarily hold off from asking the question right away.</p><p>“Why is it so dark in here? You look like a zombie, Naruto. Here, why don’t you open some windows and get some sunlight?” Sakura gave a small forced smile. Naruto said nothing as she went to crack the windows and move the curtains aside.</p><p>“Tell me, have you eaten anything today?” She asked.</p><p>“…yeah.” Naruto murmured.</p><p>“Really? You look like you’re starving.” Sakura looked at him suspiciously, not buying it for a moment. In fact, he looked both malnourished and dehydrated. He didn’t look like he’d had a full meal in several weeks at least.  And his apartment was a mess.</p><p>“…I’m fine… I’m not really hungry...” Naruto said in a low voice. And she could tell that he was trying to shut her out. Her worry at this point grew immensely. Something was definitely wrong. Nobody was really okay right now. But as a medic, Sakura could tell that Naruto hadn’t been properly taking care of himself at all and if this continued, it wasn’t going to get any better. The only time Naruto had even got anything like this depressed was after Jiraiya died. Except… Right now, he seemed even worse off than back then. He was pale as could be!</p><p>Sakura looked away for a moment, once again trying to push aside her concern about the arm Naruto was hiding, as she pondered what to say, before deciding that maybe it was better to just get straight to the point instead of beating around the bush anymore.</p><p>“…If you don’t mind me asking… How are you…feeling right now…?” Sakura asked in a soft voice.</p><p>Naruto was silent for a long time, surprising Sakura when he actually spoke up. “…It’s hard, ya know…? I’m trying my best to accept it, to move on, but… I just <em>can’t</em>…”</p><p>His voice was shaking, but Sakura was glad that he let something out instead of trying to bottle it all in.</p><p>“Naruto… These kinds of things take time-” Sakura tried to say, but was cut off by Naruto.</p><p>“So many people died, Sakura-chan! And Neji too! I couldn’t save him…” Naruto looked away, his frustration obvious.</p><p>“None of that’s your fault. You can’t always save everybody.” Sakura reasoned. As a doctor, she herself had plenty of her own guilt not only as part of her career, but during the war too. She had had nightmares of comrades dying, of failing to save people. Corpses all around, bloodshed, and the gutwrenching smell of death, but down deep she understood that blaming herself for hour on end would not fix anything.</p><p>“Then what good am I if I can’t even protect my comrades from dying!? It’s all because of me that Neji’s dead... If it had been me instead, he would still be-”</p><p>Naruto’s last words were cut off when she placed her hands on both of his cheeks, tears in her eyes.</p><p>“Don’t even go there, Naruto...!” Sakura scolded him, desperately, unable to stand hearing him allude to such things. “He protected you because he wanted you to live. I know it’s hard to accept that, and right now, nobody’s asking any of us to magically move on, I know I certainly haven’t. But none of us should have to carry this burden alone. You have me and so many other people supporting you right now…”</p><p>Naruto didn’t respond for a long time, but tensed a bit when Sakura grabbed his hand.</p><p>“So you can’t keep hiding things from me, alright…?” Sakura looked up at him with kind eyes and a pain filled smile. Before turning her attention back onto his arm. As soon as she walked in she’d caught glimpses of the blood, despite how much he’d tried to hide it. “What’s… wrong with your arm…?”</p><p>“Sakura-chan, please, don’t, I…” Naruto immediately tried to pull his hand back, clearly panicking a bit, but Sakura kept her grip firm, having gotten her confirmation that there was something definitely something that her blonde teammate didn’t want her to see. Something bad and something he hadn’t had the time or chance to heal yet.</p><p>With that thought in mind, she reached up with her other hand, and gently began rolling the sleeve back. Naruto turned his head away, letting his bangs shadow his eyes.</p><p>What Sakura saw tore her heart to pieces. Naruto’s arm was covered with numerous lacerations. From the look of it, she could tell they were all fresh and had been done within the past few minutes before she’d got there.</p><p>Sakura tried to find the words she needed, but was speechless. It wasn’t like she didn’t know what the injuries were from. After all, any skilled medic that had spent enough time working at a hospital would. The slashes were extremely precise and obviously self-inflicted. But Naruto had never seemed the type, and suddenly she didn’t even know what to say.</p><p>“…I’m sorry… I couldn’t…” Naruto choked out, surprising her. “I tried to stop myself, but the feelings…they wouldn’t go away… And I didn’t know what else to do. I swear I tried to stop myself, Sakura-chan, so please don’t tell anybody.”</p><p>Tears spilled out of Sakura’s eyes as she heard that, but she gave a smile smile, trying to calm him down. “Hey, hey, hey, it’s alright… For now let’s just get you healed up, okay…? We can talk about that later.”</p><p>Naruto's response to that could barely be heard, but Sakura was grateful she could make out the small, "Alright..."<br/>
<br/>
...<br/>
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<em><strong>A/N: This was just an old prompt I had on my computer and I wanted to get it uploaded.</strong></em></p>
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